Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
