There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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