she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
third nipple confirmed
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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