the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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