I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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