I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
