Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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