He passed out mid-signature
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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