I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
