know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
