He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
