So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You can't special order awesome
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
