So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
