If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize