do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
