My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
