And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
