I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
