i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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