you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize