im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
this will be a night to untag.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
MIDGETS
????
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
