it's too hot outside to masturbate.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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