It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
