hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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