Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
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