wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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