the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
