Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
