In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
