too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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