I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i drank out of a bidet.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
