My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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