She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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