xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
