I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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