We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
