I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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