If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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