so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize