The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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