can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
