Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
