Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize