Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
