We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The feeling are messing with the penis
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
