He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
