Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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