i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I currently don't understand fingers.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
