I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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