maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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