Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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