Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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