you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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