It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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