Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
