Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
