so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize