you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
