i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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