stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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