i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
