Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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