All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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