Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
