I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
