I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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