Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize