hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
