This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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