oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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