Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
