I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
